Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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