bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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