so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize