I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
