we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
