wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
