Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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