Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
