you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
