pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
