She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
