My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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