Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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