Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
