girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
