just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
