its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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