we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
