What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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