Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
