how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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