Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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