I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
