I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
