I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
