just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
