if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
