So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
