i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just gift wrapped bread.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
