I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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