Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this beer tastes like vomit already
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
