Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
