I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
