This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
