When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
