We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
