hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
