Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
