i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up backwards on a recliner
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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