I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
