just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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