He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
