Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
