his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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