So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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