the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
