He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
