I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm both gender and math confused
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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