What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
