We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
