my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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