so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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