I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
