everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
