I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
