i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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