Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
