This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
