I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
