the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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