I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
