Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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