we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
