Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
