I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
