Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
