She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
