You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
