I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
