This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
