Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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